Confessions of a Chronic Picker

Do you remember when you were 13 years old and you got your first zit? Do you remember that insane urge to squeeze it and pick it until it was red and bleeding? That happened to me pretty early on in life. 

I started getting pimples when I was about 10 or 11 and have been dealing with breakouts ever since. Don't get me wrong, I didn't have the kind of breakouts that left your skin scarred and misshapen, but I had (and have) the kind of breakouts that are red and hard to hide under makeup. I started picking at my skin when I first started breaking out. I picked when I was stressed. I picked when I was reading. I picked when I was watching TV. After I got my license, I picked when I was in traffic. When I got to college my "kid" breakouts started to settle down (especially when I controlled what I ate), but school stressed me out (which led to breakouts) and I picked. Now when I drive to eastern Washington I pick because the traffic makes me nervous. I pick after work because my face gets oily and itch. 

I mostly pick because there is something to pick at, but I also pick because I'm stressed and I get some sort of sick satisfaction out of making my skin red and scabbed. To combat the breakouts I still have (at 22 years old) I drink diluted apple cider vinegar with "the mother." Supposedly the acidity in the vinegar gets into your skin and makes it so the bacteria that causes acne can't fester. I first started drinking apple cider vinegar this past summer and saw a real improvement in my skin at the time. 

Then something changed and it didn't work as well. I've tried tons of skin care products from Pro-Active to birth control and nothing seems to clear my skin. I recently came across a product called the Tanda Plus. I've been using it for a few weeks now and have seen some improvement, but not tons because I have leftover damage from all my picking (which happens daily). 

Lately I've been thinking about the cycle of my skin. First I break out, then I pick, then I stress because my skin is in bad shape, then I break out, then I pick some more, then I stress. It's really a horrible cycle. I'm coming to realize just how much stress affects the body, especially with my skin. I don't eat candy and I don't drink soda. I switched to soy milk because I read that there is a lot of sugar in cow's milk (which is true, there is much less sugar and much more protein and calcium in soy milk than in cow's milk) which can cause acne. I wash my makeup off every day and use mineral powder makeup. 

Really what needs to happen is I need to stop picking. Then my skin could heal and I wouldn't need to stress over it looking red and splotchy all the time. I keep my nails cut short so I don't pick but it doesn't make a difference. I don't only pick because there is something to pick. I pick because it's something I can control and for some reason it makes me feel better to pick. Let's be real, this is a disgusting habit. I've heard my type of picking called chronic grooming and it's making it's way onto the Disorder List right there next to trichotillomania. "Just stop doing it" you might suggest. I've tried friends, I've really tried. It's become such a natural part of my actions that I don't even realize that I'm doing it until the damage is done. 

I'm really trying to change this nasty habit, but I realized the other day that it's unlikely I'm the only one suffering from something like this and I don't need to keep it a secret. Only my close family and my boyfriend know how much I pick, but I think it's time I share it with more people. If I tell you and then I see you next week, I will be held accountable for my actions. If I tell you and you ask my how it's going to break this habit, I'll be reminded that I need to think before I touch my skin. If I tell you and you realize you're a chronic picker too, we can support each other. I'm also sharing this because I'm becoming more comfortable with who I am and I don't really feel the need to keep this a secret anymore. I'm a skin picker. I did this to myself and I have to deal with the consequences every day. I look forward to the day I can go swimming and not feel ashamed of the red splotches that appear when my makeup washes off. I look forward to the day I can feel confident without makeup. But I really look forward to the day that I don't have to wear makeup if I don't feel like it, because my skin is not picked. 

On a completely unrelated note, I went to take a shower before posting this and came out to this mess with the culprit sitting next to it. 

Apparently someone wanted some more food even though her bowl is already full. What a shit. 

Goodnight kids! Keep your hands away from your skin if you can!

I'm Gunna Pop Some Tags

I'm a fan of song covers. I like covers that are unique and covers that are identical to the original. I usually find covers on accident while on the internet or iTunes. I think covers are fun because they give you a little taste of how a song could have been popularized. Sometimes the cover of a song is even better than the original. Ooh, how fun. 

The other day I discovered an amazing cover of Macklemore's Thriftshop. It's so good I have to share it. It's a vintage cover of a modern song. This is something we don't see very often. Usually songs are taken from pop to acoustic or vintage to pop. Rarely do we see the reverse, but the result is so good! Now, I'm already into Thriftshop, so maybe I'm a bit partial, but I think if you listen to this cover you'll see that it's not just me. 

Behold this awesomeness: 

Tell me you don't love it and I will not believe you. I'm inspired to do a tap dance to it! 

Here are a few other covers I've been enjoying over the past few years:

• Jay Brennan's acoustic cover of The Cranberries Zombie
• Marilyn Manson's cover of Sweet Dreams by Eurythmics
• Katy Perry's cover of Use Your Love by The Outfield
• Forever the Sickest Kids' cover of the Men in Black theme song
• Miley Cirus' cover of Dolly Pardon's Jolene
• Muse's cover of Feeling Good (many have covered this one)

I hope you all had a fantastic weekend celebrating mom! I had a great time in Poulsbo with my mom, dad, and Ryan. Wish there were more days in the weekend to spend with the people I love. 

Happy Sunday kids! Make sure you appropriately prep for the week ahead.

This is Water

Tonight while browsing Reddit I came across a really fantastic video which discusses the meaning of "day in and day out" in the working world and how to change your attitude regarding the adult world's doldrums. 

Lately I've been feeling really overwhelmed with my work and it's starting to affect me in almost every area of my life. The most menial things have become SO frustrating. For example, last Sunday I went grocery shopping and used the ATM in the store to get cash out for bus fare. I then had to get back in the check out line to break my $20 bill when I saw that the customer service desk was closed. I was upset because I had just gotten back into Seattle after visiting my parents and boyfriend in eastern Washington and just wanted to be home with my cats. Two days later I realized my debit card was missing. I cancelled the card and all I have to do is go into BECU to get a new one printed, but I haven't had the time because I've had so many other time constraints lately. Let me tell you how that the word frustrated doesn't even begin to describe how I felt (and feel) not only about this situation, but about every stupid little thing that has been happening to me lately. 

Then I listened to this speech:

Here is the link to the actual video I watched: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmpYnxlEh0c I think this version is much better than the ones shown above because it has images and music. 

My favorite part of the video is when David Foster Wallace says "The capital T Truth is about life before death." I really liked that piece because that's what I'm trying to figure out right now. Where am I going? What am I doing? I want to do all these things but the petty frustrations of life have been getting in the way. They're still getting in the way now and will get in the way tomorrow too, but at least I can decide what meaning to attach to them, right? 

It's so easy to say that when you're not the one in a situation. It's so easy to say "That difficult situation will teach you X, Y, and Z" when you're not the one dealing with it. It's so easy to say those things when it's not you. When it is you though, shit gets real. You start to think "Well I have to attach meaning or else the issue won't get resolved." The thing is, its hard to make a choice about giving meaning to something when it's actually really important. You automatically associate meaning to anything important because, well, it's important. 

What's a girl to do besides say "Mind over matter!" "Chin up!" 

"It will get better!"

The worst part is, those saying are so. frustratingly. true. 

Who actually reads this anyway?

Hello friends. As I'm sure you've noticed, I took a little hiatus from blogging these past few months. There's really no excuse, I was just lazy. I think about blogging all the time though and have several incomplete drafts just waiting for me to edit and post them... but I haven't done it, and for that I apologize.

Tonight I decided was THE NIGHT to get back into blogging. Just a random Monday night after the sun shined all day and heated the rainy city to around 80 degrees (or hotter!). So here I am. I logged in and I saw that yesterday my blog got 20 page views. You know what I said out loud? "Who the hell reads my blog?" Considering I haven't posted any legitimate content in months, I really don't know who you strangers are, but thank you for taking a second to glance at my pages. 

Let me give you a quick update on what's going on in my life:

My boyfriend Ryan got a job in Wenatchee, where he is originally from. He took it and now we're doing long distance until he comes home to go to school. Luckily his family lives in Wenatchee, so we're not paying anything extra in rent, but it sure does suck to come home to an empty house every night and only see my person on the weekends. 

I am still at my job with the event planning company and we are entering our busiest season. I'm pretty stressed about all my responsibilities but keep telling myself every little thing is gonna be alright. It's tough being the new kid and feeling like you're messing up every day when you've gotten used to things being easy for you. I'm not a fan, but I know that I will only be a better person and a better event coordinator for it. 

I am getting my Zumba instruction license in June and am so excited! I've wanted to become a Zumba instructor for a while now and recently took the step to get me there. I'm taking more Zumba classes now and having a lot of fun researching music to choreograph routines to. 

I got a new car. It's a 2004 Buick Regal, and she is a beaut. We were really fortunate to get this car. It was Ryan's grandpa's and he has been in a wheelchair for a while now, so it only made sense for it to be sold. Through the grapevine I heard that Grandpa Chuck wanted to the car to go to someone in the family, so Ryan and I decided it was the economically savvy choice. We bought the Regal for only $2500 with only 9,000 miles on it! You read that right, 9,000! I was the very first person to take it on the freeway. It was a good choice. 

My nephews are growing faster than ever. They're running around now and are coming up to visit at the end of the month. I can't wait to see them! My brother and the twins' mom were married in February in a beautiful ceremony in Sedona, Arizona. 

I'm planning on visiting my brother who lives in Hawaii in December and am so pumped to take a vacation while seeing my bro! Literally counting down the days. 

So there you have it. That's a brief overview of what's new in my life. If you don't know me personally, this post means nothing to you. But if you do know me, you've got yourself a little more information than you did a few minutes ago.  I like knowing what people are up to in their lives. I wish I could get a little email every day letting me know what my friends and family have been doing. 

Happy Monday kids! Stay positive out there!

Challenge: Accepted

Last week we discussed my strong desire to really find myself financially. I challenged myself to not buy any groceries and only cooking using the foods in my kitchen already. Well, it worked! Monday and Tuesday I still had spaghetti sauce leftover from the week before, so dinner came from that. Wednesday I had soup, and Thursday I had... cereal. (I know this isn't a real dinner.... but come on, we all have cereal for dinner sometimes.) Friday I let us have a free night because I was seeing one of my besties for the first time in months since her travels around the world AND I'd been super sick all week. I dare say it was easier to only eat foods from my own kitchen because I stayed home from work for four days. We'll see what this week is like. I still have tons of chicken in the freezer and a whole spiral cut ham. More than enough meat to see us through the week, but we've run out of veggies and other necessary items (breakfast, anyone?).

Being sick totally kicked my butt and made me fall an entire week behind my workout schedule. Ugh. Luckily today Ryan and I have committed ourselves to first grocery shopping then hitting the gym. It's going to be tough getting back into the swing of a rigorous workout schedule, but I know I'll feel better for it. 

In other news, I was rear ended right before Christmas and my poor Jeep was totaled. We're talking won't even start totaled. Like, parked the wrong way for a week totaled. I have mixed feelings about it. First, I'm upset because I don't have a car! Second, I'm excited because I get a new car, but with car payments. Third, I'm frustrated because I got whiplash and have to get massage therapy. Now most people think of massage therapy and say "wow must be nice." Let me tell you the truth: I am aggressively rubbed every week for an entire hour and left sore and raw for days. I could not go... but I've heard that's the worst thing to do because then the micro tears in the neck tissue start to affect you in ways you didn't think it could. So I suffer through. At least I don't have to pay for it, right? I'm now on the hunt for the perfect car. I want an American-made SUV with 100,000 miles or less and all or 4 wheel drive for around $8500 or less. Anyone? 

So I'm realizing this post has very little purpose... other than to talk to you about my life. So I'm going to share something that you might not have actually heard about: this amazing under water photo shoot. 

Oh. My. God. I can't even believe how amazing these pictures are. The whale sharks are HUGE compared to these women and yet are completely harmless to humans. What are your thoughts? If I was asked to pose next to a giant yet gentle creature to promote awareness for their species I would totally do it. Talk about the chance of a lifetime!

Happy Monday kids! Stick to your resolutions and hit the gym tonight!

Resolutionary 2013

So many people make resolutions that aren't realistic. "I'm going to go to the gym every day until I lose 1,000,000 pounds!" You know you've made that resolution and you know it rarely works. I think it's better to make realistic resolutions. Instead of deciding you're going to lose 1,000,000 pounds by hitting the gym every day, vow to replace french fries with steamed broccoli and do 30 minutes of cardio four times a week for a month. Big resolutions take time to ease into, which is totally fine.  

My resolution this year is kind of abstract. I've been supported by my parents or student loans my whole life. This is the first year I am (almost) completely financially independent. It's a good feeling and a scary feeling, but I think I'm ready for it. My resolution is to take control of my finances. 

I started this month by going through me and my boyfriend's expenses and income and putting it into Excel for comparison. I discovered that we spend A LOT of money on both groceries and eating out. I also have been slowly coming to the realization that we waste a lot of food... which is wasting money. Bad news bears guys. To try and cut expenses in the food area, I've decided to test my creativity in the kitchen and only use food already in my fridge or cupboards for a while. I have this thing where I feel the need to buy all new food for the week instead of taking inventory first. This has got to stop. This week's challenge is to not buy any groceries OR fast food at all. We have two bags of chicken breasts, an entire ham, and tons of veggies in our freezer. Perhaps my kitchen experiments will be the basis of this week's posts! 

Money tends to stress people out. I am one of those people who is stressed by money and so is Ryan. It's scary to think how much your life could change if a major accident or emergency happened and you didn't have any money left. How would you buy food? How would you go to the doctor if you were sick? How would you get to work if you couldn't afford a car or the bus? What if you didn't have a job? It's a terrifying thought that keeps most of us in check. I'm tired of being afraid of money and all the "what ifs" that come along with it, which is why I made my resolution to take control of the money in my life. Have you already done this? Do you have any tips for me? 

In other news my poor boyfriend caught the flu last week and has been miserable for days. Let's all cross our fingers that I don't catch it. To all of you who haven't gotten a flu shot yet: DO IT NOW! Also remember to wash your hands after you touch public places. 

What is your resolution this year? What's your plan to make it happen? 

Happy Sunday kids! 

New Year, New Resolution

I can't even believe it's 2013 already. 2012 went by in a blink didn't it? I can't even remember what I was doing last year on January 1st, but it was probably along the lines of grumbling about going back to school in a few days.

What did you do for the holiday? I helped a friend plan a New Year's Party, so that's where the boyfriend and I ended up. If you're familiar with Seattle, you'll know that one side of Queen Anne Hill has an amazing view of the Space Needle and downtown. Our friend hosting the party just so happens to have an apartment on that side of the hill with a huge window to see the Space Needle out of.

I didn't take this photo, nor was I this close to the fireworks, but it was still a blast to be with friends when ringing in the New Year.

What your favorite moments of 2012? Here are a few of mine (in no particular order):

1. My very first blog post: Thank you Adele (which was actually in 2011, not 2012). When I first started this blog I thought it would be a fun way to document the little excitements that happen in my life. From crafts to cooking to events I go to... I wanted it all in one place. While I didn't post as often as I originally intended or get many page views, it was still a lot of fun to blog. (Click here to see last year's resolutions post.)
2. This blog post, about big fun buns, got me almost 10,000 hits on my blog. Thanks Pinterest for generating a vast majority of those hits. It was a fun post to do and I still squeal with delight when I come across my head in the "hair" section of Pinterest. 
3. I graduated college. Four years after stepping foot onto the beautiful UW campus, I walked away a changed person. I'm so glad it's over, but occasionally I miss the general lack of responsibility that being an undergrad gives you. 
4. I took my first trip with just friends to one of the best places on earth: Vegas! Seriously, I still want to live here. 
5. I got to meet my twin nephews for the first time. When they were first born December 4th 2011, they were 2 1/2 months premature and there was a possibility that there could be complications with their development. While they are a little behind in development, one twin took his first steps the other day, so I'd say they're doing fantastic. 
6. I got my first job out of college. Holy smokes. I felt like it took forever to find it, but when I did I couldn't believe how soon I started! The older I get the faster time goes by. 

There were my biggest moments of 2012. Resolutions to come. Also, my resolution from last year? Yeah that didn't happen. At least it wasn't a very big resolution. 

Happy New Year!